In the middle of a session the other day I had an important realization. I was asked to look at a relationship I had with something in the last week that in my mind was the perfect relationship, and to recall of what it was about that relationship that made it perfect.
Quite a few of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these items felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was meaningful and easy to continue to keep.
When my turn came to summarize my perfect relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very understandable needs, and it is the ultimate ego-boost for me when I get home at night and I am greeted in such an exhilarated fashion. I don’t know of inspite of how my day has been. I call this unconditional love.
So what is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is the type of love that comes with no conditions. It is the kind of love that you should have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love has passed you will make the move to “real” love. Real love is love you have for your partner in face of the knowledge that they are not perfect. You are aware your partner has faults, you bear in mind your partner is not perfect. You realize that your wife or husband makes mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. You continue to love them. This is unconditional love.
The same thing returns to you however in looking at your partner’s faults, you acknowledge that you are the same and that you have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to make it through the faults and imperfections that people have.
So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get a pet to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here.
We all clutter our lives with trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let our issues rule our lives.
But if you are eager about saving your marriage you need to put the garbage to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes and love will conquer them all.
Have a think about unconditional love and how you can apply this realization to your relationship.
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